


A New Beginning

by Sleepless_Malice



Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: F/F, Femslash, Femslash February, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Silmarillion Lady Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-05
Updated: 2016-02-05
Packaged: 2018-05-18 10:33:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5925259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sleepless_Malice/pseuds/Sleepless_Malice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nerdanel falls in love with Curufin's wife after the Flight of the Ñoldor.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A New Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> **[Written]** – for [#sll drabbletag](https://www.tumblr.com/tagged/sll-drabbletag) [silmladylove drabble tag] on tumblr & Femslash February, based on the prompt by [isilloth](http://isilloth.tumblr.com/): _"Nerdanel/OFC, falling in love with one of the abandoned wives of her sons after the Flight of the Noldor."_
> 
>  **[Beta]** – Thank you [Sath](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Sath/pseuds/Sath) for beta reading this story <3

**A New Beginning**

*****

 Days became weeks, and weeks quickly became many months, yet the emptiness of her house and heart remained unchanged. She felt alone, for the first time for many years. Occasionally, she visited her old friends when she was invited to share dinner with them; those visits, however, had ceased over time. Her friends of old did not understand her, nor did she understand their lives anymore, after having lost everything that was dear to her. At one point, she had simply stopped her visits, feeling uncomfortable in the presence of her friends.

Instead, after long consideration, she finally approached her husband’s mother, and after the first visit she wondered why she had not taken this step earlier. Despite the fact that they had always gotten along very well, Tániel had not dared to approach her, afraid that she would overstep a boundary that was not even there.

Nerdanel welcomed her with the smile and warmth that was so typical for her, and Tániel immediately felt at ease in her presence. For the first time in many months, she felt understood. They sat down near the burning fire with mulled wine, talked about the past, the grief and sorrows their husbands had inflicted upon them. From time to time, they did not talk at all, but watched the burning flames in comfortable silence.

“If I myself already feel like dying upon the loss of my husband and my only child, how must you feel?” Tániel asked at one point.

Nerdanel shook her head, sadly. “Grief is not about numbers, Tániel, but about how dear they were to you; it does not make a difference if it is one or many. The pain of loss remains unchanged. Perhaps time can heal the wounds inflicted upon those free of guilt, but this I do not know.”

There was a wisdom in Nerdanel’s words that rendered her speechless.

After that day, she often visited her mother-in-law, savoring the deep understanding they had for each other.

 

**A few months later**

*****

It was not that she did not enjoy Tániel’s regular visits; indeed, she enjoyed her visits far _too_ much. Often, when Tániel was gone from her house, Nerdanel remained at the fireplace and watched the flames, restless and thinking. She had known her son’s wife for almost an eternity, had congratulated her on the birth of little Tyelpë, her first and only grandson. The thought of how they had all abandoned their wives for a forsaken course filled her with grief and rage alike.

Did she raise them all as uncaring rogues?

Nay, but alas!

_Fëanáro._

At the end it always narrowed down to him.

Nerdanel forced the image that began to appear in her mind to the back of her head; she did not wish to think about his raging speech yet again, his face shadowed by anger and flames. Instead, she forced her thoughts back to where they had been.

Tániel.

Nerdanel couldn’t explain when her feelings had wandered off in such a direction, or why. She had known her for many years already, had always loved her for certain - as a mother-in-law, as an ally in a male-dominated household; she knew all too well that Atarinkë wasn’t the easiest of her sons to deal with. Still Tániel loved him, just as she had loved Fëanáro. _‘Why?’_ It hammered through her head. Of course, she was lonely, they all were, yet she had never harbored any feelings towards her own sex. She would be fine with it in general as preferences can change, but had it to be her son’s wife?

It had to stop.

Yet the image of pitch-black curls and grey eyes persisted. There was a certain look in Tániel’s eyes, one she could not quite interpret, yet somehow it tugged at her heart.

Over the past weeks, Nerdanel often found her own eyes lingering; on Tániel’s hands, on her long fingers adorned with countless rings, the skin that seemed to glow in the low light of the fire. Nerdanel could not look for long without feeling warmth tainting her cheeks, feeling the rush of emotions soar through her, so she let her gaze slip. She was not prepared for any of the feelings that came with it, every single one she deemed entirely inappropriate.

It had to stop. If she only knew how.

She was torn out of her thoughts when she heard a knock on the door, which was odd, because she did not expect anybody this day, especially not at this late hour. With a sigh, she rose to her feet and walked over to open the door.

“Tániel, come in,” she said, surprised and rather shocked by her devastated appearance. Tániel’s eyes were red and swollen, the remains of tears still wetting her cheeks. When the door fell shut behind them, she asked, “Gracious, what happened?”

“Nothing,” Tániel mumbled, rubbing the tears out of her eyes with her sleeve. Nerdanel narrowed her eyes, watching her intensely and at the end, she told her: “I have dreamt.”

Nerdanel usually was not impatient, but now she was. “About what?” she inquired, all the while guiding Tániel deeper into her house towards where the fire burnt. Tániel was trembling and shivering.

Tániel drew in a deep breath, struggling not to burst out into tears again. “My son, my only son,” she began, her words barely audible and Nerdanel’s heart sank. She didn’t know if Tániel possessed the gift of sight as so many of their kin did; most likely Tániel did not know if she had the gift, either. “I saw him, flames so bright that they were blinding in their intensity around him, eyes filled with dread and horror, I saw him.” Her words were interrupted by countless sobs, visibly fighting against the vivid memories of her dreams.

That Nerdanel was lost for words did not occur often, but now it was the case.

What should she tell her? How should she ease the fear that threatened to consume her?

Why should she say _‘they were only dreams’_ when so many dreams have already become bitter reality?

She couldn’t.

Instead, she guided her towards where they always sat, and held her close until her sobbing finally ceased, susurrating words against the top of her head as she had done so often when her sons had been young, coming home after a fight between themselves.

“May I stay here tonight?” Tániel asked, looking at her from under clotted lashes.

“Of course you may,” responded Nerdanel with a smile on her lips. The house had many rooms to accommodate guests.

They remained where they were, in front of the warming and crackling fire, drinking the wine Nerdanel had brought earlier to assist her in calming Tániel’s nerves. Time seemed to slip away as slowly she began to recover, the paleness of her skin now changed against a more healthy color.

“Thank you,” at one point Tániel simply said, more calm and focused now.

Nerdanel couldn’t remember how it initially happened that Tániel’s head came to rest on her shoulder, why her fingers twined with her own. She couldn’t remember why Tániel shifted her position, either; all she remembered was that her tear-swollen lips brushed against her own in something that was nothing more than chaste kiss. Both immediately withdrew, shocked, staring at each other in disbelief.

“Pardon me, I am sorry, I shouldn’t have done what I did,” Tániel stuttered with cheeks burning red, eyes now cast downwards in embarrassment.

Despite better knowledge, Nerdanel pulled her close against her. “Do not be apologetic or ashamed,” she said softly without a hint of disapproval, brushing the back of her hand against Tániel’s cheek. “There is no right or wrong in what we do and feel, there is no one who shall judge you for your wishes and desires. Why shouldn’t an end be a new beginning?”

Carefully she leaned in and covered Tániel’s lips with her own.

*

**Author's Note:**

>  **[Disclaimer]** – The Elves are not mine. They belong to J.R.R. Tolkien and Tolkien Estate – I just like to explore their lives a little further. No money is made from this story.
> 
>  **[General]** \- Feel free to contact me on tumblr: [feanope](http://www.feanope.tumblr.com)


End file.
